HALLOWEEN 2017: ANATOMICALLY CORRECT TOM BRADY

Greg Brown
15 December 2017
Greg Brady

HALLOWEEN 2017: ANATOMICALLY CORRECT TOM BRADY

As you get older some things change, but some things remain just the same. I can’t count how many times I dressed as a Patriots player for Halloween as a young kid growing up in New England. Now that I have reached adulthood (have I?), I thought it appropriate to pay homage to the costumes of my youth in the most appropriate way I know how. Now, I am not claiming to know that this costume is actually to correct scale. I was simply making a “best guess” assumption based on the information I have available to me. Let’s look at some of the facts that we have to go on:

  • Tom Brady is the greatest player in the history of the NFL.
  • Tom Brady is married to the world’s most successful super model.
  • Word on the street is Tom Brady has been referred to by teammates in the locker room as “driftwood.”
  • Marky Mark and that Teddy Bear in Ted 2 seemed pretty impressed
Glowing bits.

On an unrelated note, you might be asking yourself “Greg, did you buy a giant inflatable penis specifically for the costume or did you just have one lying around?”

Answer: I had one lying around.

Your next question might be “Greg, why did you have a giant inflatable penis lying around? Is there something you need to tell us?”

Well, funny you should ask. The old ball and chain, Kelly, was a few weeks away from attending a bachelorette party over the summer. As most significant others do, she mooches off my Amazon Prime account for the free shipping. So imagine my surprise when I get an email to my Gmail account with the following subject line:

Amazon

Either Kelly was buying hilarious dick props for her bachelorette party or this was her way of sending me a message (still not confirmed). Either way, it turned out to be a great purchase that has paid for itself twice over but now the suggested items algorithm on Amazon has been thrown for an absolute LOOP. Amazon must think I am a very confused young man.

Index A: If you didn’t think I did a full photoshoot with the costume then you really don’t know me that well.

Greg Brady, passing leader
Greg Brady, 54's the Mike
Greg Brady, alpha go
Greg Brady, Heisman winner

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