Greg Brown
25 January 2018


Gronk out for the game.

Edelman out for the season.

Malcolm Mitchell still on IR.

Up against the #1 pass defense in the NFL.

Running game getting nothing going.

 Both coordinators with a foot out the door.

A head coach that (allegedly) hates you.

12 stiches in the palm of your throwing hand.

40 years old.

Pretty much all legitimate excuses. But what does old Tommy boy do? What does Jesus in Cleats conjure up? How does the greatest living American respond? Tape Job Tom just pulls out his nuts and drops them right there on the table for everyone to see. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny the fact that he has a massive set of grapefruits on him. Just a ho-hum 9-14 for 138 yards and 2 TDs in the most important quarter of the season. Sunday marked the fourth time in Brady’s career that he has won after being down by 10 or more in the fourth quarter of a playoff game (2002 Snow Bowl, Super Bowl XLIX, Super Bowl LI). Just take a gander at his stats in those 4 quarters:

50-for-69 (72%) for 551 yards and five touchdowns. In what amounts to one full game of football (4 quarters).  Love him or hate him, you can’t deny the fact that he has a massive set of grapefruits on him.




1. Danny Amendola I could write an entire column on how big playoff Danny was for this offense in the second half but who cares what I think. Why don’t you take it from the people that actually matter:

[Danny] Amendola is a fucking animal. A fucking animal, I am cussing, I don’t care. He’s a beast. “

            -Dion Lewis

 “Danny’s such a good football player. If you look up good football player in the dictionary, his picture is right beside it,”

                -Bill Belichick

Just picture Bill saying that quote in his monotone voice wearing this outfit:

Billy Sleeves

After re-watching the game what really stood out wasn’t so much the volume of plays Danny made but the quality of plays he made.  His numbers actually don’t jump off the page (7 catches for 87 yards) but the timeliness of those plays could not have been more important. I am just going to list the plays he made AFTER the Patriots were down 20-10 with 10:49 left in the 4th quarter:

3rd and 18 at NE 25

(10:49 - 4th) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass deep middle to D.Amendola to NE 46 for 21 yards (T.Gipson).

2nd and 10 at JAX 23

(9:25 - 4th) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass short left to D.Amendola to JAX 9 for 14 yards (A.Bouye).

Decent set of paws on this catch:

1st and Goal at JAX 9

(8:44 - 4th) Danny Amendola Pass From Tom Brady for 9 Yrds S.Gostkowski extra point is GOOD, Center-J.Cardona, Holder-R.Allen.

4th and 11 at JAX 9

(4:58 - 4th) B.Nortman punts 41 yards to 50, Center-C.Holba. D.Amendola to JAX 30 for 20 yards (D.Smoot)

1st and 10 at JAX 15

(4:19 - 4th) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass short middle to D.Amendola to JAX 7 for 8 yards (M.Jack). JAX-M.Jack was injured during the play.

I thought this catch was going to give Tony Romo a brain aneurysm:

2nd and Goal at JAX 4

(2:48 - 4th) Danny Amendola Pass From Tom Brady for 4 Yrds S.Gostkowski extra point is GOOD, Center-J.Cardona, Holder-R.Allen.


All of those plays were in the last 11 mins of the game. That’s what’s called putting the team on yo back dude.


Also, people aren’t talking about this but the throw he made on the double pass that ended up in the fumble was ridiculous. He threw it across the entire field and dropped it right in Lewis’ hip pocket. Makes me wonder if that play was originally designed for Edelman (did you guys know he played QB in college?!) but Belichick just treats the two like completely interchangeable players so they ran it anyways.

2. Brandin Cooks - If you listen to Michael Felger you may be under the impression that Brandin Cooks has been a complete disappointment this year and doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. Now I understand he came in with high expectations this offseason but if you look at what he has done in a vacuum there is no doubt he was worth the last pick in the 1st round. 

Just look at his numbers from Sunday night. He accounted for 100 receiving yards and drew another 68 yards from pass interference. Just for the sake of comparison, Deion Branch won a Super Bowl MVP with 143 receiving yards in Super Bowl XXXIX.

And Cooks drawing PI calls is no aberration. Take a look at his regular season numbers:

Cooks PI

When you total his receiving yards, penalty yards drawn and rushing yards, Cooks accounted for 1,263 yards of offense during the regular season. Just for the sake of comparison, Rob Gronkowski accounted for 1,210 yards of offense by the same measure during the regular season.

Another knock on Cooks has been that he doesn’t battle for contested balls like he should. Allow me to present this snag from Sunday night against a pro bowl cornerback:

So basically, the point I am trying to make is suck it Felger.


3. Stephon Gilmore. This year’s “Earn Your Contact with One Play” award presented by JD Drew goes to Stephon Gilmore. Was that pass breakup really worth the $65 MILLION Gilmore will get paid? Ya sure, fuck it, it’s not my money.

I feel like the position of CB, more than any other position, has a lot to do with playing with confidence. Some of the most heralded CBs in NFL history (see Deion Sanders, Ty Law) were also some of the cockiest players in NFL history. Gilmore looks like he has turned a corner and is playing with some of that confidence which is certainly a welcome sight for someone you have on the books for another 4 years. I was pretty surprised when the Patriots broke the bank in the offseason for Gilmore, but I guess Belichick just saw something in him that I didn’t see.



1. Me. Hand up. We are all about accountability here at so I will be the bigger man and admit I underestimated the Jags. I thought the whole “Jaggin Off” thing was all just a cute joke. I felt about Jacksonville the same way I feel about Buffalo. A lot of players to like but at the end of the day they are just harmless. Adorable, if you will. But boy was I wrong because that defense is fast, physical and confident. I am not sure I can tell the difference between Myles Jack and Telvin Smith but I do know that both of them are monsters. How many times did Brady check down to a RB just to see them get smoked by a mean looking LB before they could turn up field.  I will say this though, if they ever wanted to get taken seriously though they need to get rid of those hideous uniforms.

Grey Poupon

2. Butt hurt NFL fans. I feel like I covered this fairly thoroughly in last week’s blog but it bears repeating. The chapping of buttholes among NFL fans feels like it is at an all-time high this week. Yes, I understand some borderline calls went the Patriots way. Yes, I understand there was a discrepancy between penalties called on the two teams. But anyone that legitimately thinks that the league has some sort of officiating conspiracy to help the Patriots win games has watched far too many 9/11 documentaries on YouTube. Leave the sports websites alone and go back to the basement that you came from, you salty trolls. Or, even better, you can act maturely like this Cleveland Browns fan:


3. The end of the football season. When your team is in the Super Bowl the drop-off is even more real. It has to be like a drug addict going cold turkey the day after an aggressive binge. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I can already feel the cold sweats and nausea coming on.


Other Notes:

Congratulations to the city of Philadelphia on back to back weeks of horse assault:


Man hands:

I imagine Malcolm Butler’s grandma is a lovely old lady. Just picturing her reaction to Butler’s SB INT makes me smile on the inside.


I guess this picture is from a new 30 for 30 coming out. A young suave Bill Belichick was too good to leave out of this blog:

Billy Stache

In case you were wondering who to bet on in the Super Bowl:


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