SUPER BOWL LII RECAP: HEAVY IS THE CROWN

Greg Brown
9 February 2018
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SUPER BOWL LII RECAP: HEAVY IS THE CROWN

That one hurt…..slightly less than the other ones. The week after a Super Bowl loss is all about getting through the typical post-loss grieving period. You progress through the “stunned confusion” phase, the “emotionally fragile” phase and as more and more days pass, the media train moves on and you ultimately end up in a better place. But now you are in what doctors often refer to as the “irritable” phrase.

Everything seems fine. Your logical brain has made the hurdles and has come to grips with the loss. You tell yourself the Eagles played great, the Patriots still had a successful season and a silly football game is nothing to ruin your day over Greg. You can hear the birds singing sweetly in the morning again. You wake up with that familiar pep in your step ready to attack the day. Then someone cuts you off driving to work and all the sudden you are imagining accelerating your car into their bumper. Your girlfriend politely asks you to rinse your dishes after eating? You visualize smashing the plates to pieces right there on the kitchen counter. A coworker asks you how your “hump day” is going? You find yourself fighting the urge to crawl under your desk and cry.  But luckily you are an adult. And as an adult you know the way to handle these emotions is to push them deeeeeep down inside your soul, never to be seen or spoken of again. So yah, I would say I am in the “irritable” phase of the grieving period.

But before you go calling the guidance counselor, just know that it is a perfectly healthy response. Just take it from Bill Burr:

Note: the description of Brady being a dead body thrown out of a moving car might be the funniest thing I have ever heard.

GENERAL FEELINGS

As a Patriots fan, besides the Malcolm Butler situation (get to that later), there aren’t too many aspects to the loss to be salty about. In reality, the Eagles deserved to win the game. Foles was slinging lasers, Alshon Jeffery realized he’s no longer on the Bears, Pederson coached with a pair of ripe peaches and the defense made the ONE play they needed to. I mean, sure Nick Foles kind of has a dumb face but it is nothing compared to Eli Manning’s extra chromosome. Sure you lost a Super Bowl you went into as favorites, but at least it wasn’t an undefeated season. And sure, you are regretting adding the LII tattoo prematurely but if I understand roman numerals correctly (which I don’t) it will be a cheap fix next February:

Tats

Speaking of roman numerals, how stoned on a scale of I to X was this guy when he thought of this:

DIC

The problem with “waiting for next year” as a Patriots fan means waiting until the playoffs start in December. The regular season isn’t even worth watching at this point. The AFC East has become a glorified preseason for the Patriots. You trying to tell me that I am supposed to get my excitement level up for a Thursday night game in September against Josh McCown and the Jets?

Note: Full disclosure, I don’t believe this take. I’ll gladly watch TNF color rush Cardinals vs 49ers and thoroughly enjoy it, because I don’t have any constructive hobbies and have nothing better to do with my time.

COMMERCIALS

This might be me still being emotionally bitter but I get unreasonably upset when people tell me they only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Who the hell in this day and age is actively seeking out MORE commercials? You just can’t get enough of Flow from Progressive? You need to see Peyton Manning stretch that stupid jingle into just one more insurance ad? Or did you or a loved one suffer from mesothelioma and you don’t know who to talk to? Speaking of commercials the price for a 30 second Super Bowl spot was a cool $5 million. That is more money than Nick Foles made this entire year. Shame about those declining ratings.

Commercials

THE NUMBERS GAME

Anybody that knows me knows I am a big post game stats guy and this Super Bowl certainly did not disappoint (besides the soul crushing defeat). Take a look at some of these mind bendahhhhs:

  • The Patriots lost despite totaling 613 total yards and despite accomplishing this:
Punts
  • There were SEVEN players that averaged 19+ yards per reception.
  • The Eagles were 10 for 16 on 3rd down. And two of them they converted on 4th down. So essentially they were 12 for 16 when they got into 3rd down situations. Where is Adalius Thomas to scapegoat when you need him?
3rd Down
  • There were more pass attempts to QBs in the game (2) than there were total punts (1).
  • Danny Amendola finished the postseason with 403 all-purpose yards which was good for the 4th most in Patriots playoff history.

                 3: Julian Edelman 2016 playoffs (422 yards)

                 2: Julian Edelman 2014 playoffs (443 yards)

                 1: POP QUIZ; anyone that can answer who is #1 is a sociopath (answer at the end of the blog)

  • Brady collective postseason stats: 89/139 for 1,132 yards 8 TDs and 0 INTs. Extrapolate that to an entire season and you are looking at 6,037 yards 43 TDs and of course 0 INTs. And yes, I snuck the word extrapolate in there, not sure if you guys knew this, but I went to college.

REFEREES

It is absolutely disgusting how the NFL is rigged against the Patriots. That was most the single most blatantly rigged game I have EVER watched. I have been watching football for 25 years and NEVER, NEVER in my life have I seen referees as bad as that. Hope you are happy Roger now that you made sure the Cheat-a-delphia Eagles and Doug Cheat-erson won the Super Bowl.

Harrison

Yah! You tell them Harrison…….wait.

BILLY VS BUTLER

If there is one aspect to the loss that wakes me up in the middle of night in a pool of my own urine (metaphorically speaking of course) it is the decision to bench Butler. At this point it feels like the decision has been analyzed more thoroughly than the Zapruder film. I have heard every single conspiracy theory that the geniuses at WEEI can come up with. Missing team meetings. Rick Ross concerts. Smoking weed. Throwing hissy fits at the coaches. The flu. And you know what? Not a single one makes any sense to me. Butler could have slapped my grandma in the face while kneeling on the American flag during the national anthem and I still would have given him the snaps. Based on the result of the game, benching Butler was a bad coaching decision. Yes, I’ll say it, Bill Belichick fucked up.

But you that doesn’t mean he is a bad coach. Bill Belichick is a great coach. Bill Belichick made a bad coaching decision. Those aren’t mutually exclusive thoughts to have. You find a lot of people in New England believing Bill can do no wrong, citing “In Bill We Trust” whenever he makes weird coaching or personnel decisions. There are plenty of decisions you can argue have hurt the team (could have used Jamie Collins in the SB) but an overwhelming majority of decisions have led to the NFL dynasty we have enjoyed for the last 15 years. So yes, I think it was a bad call to bench Butler, but no, I don’t think Bill Belichick’s ego is running wild and ruining the Patriots. I’ll leave those hot takes for Seth Wickersham.

NOTE: Watching Butler cry pregame reminded me of Knowshon Moreno’s tear heard round the world. Still can’t wrap my mind around it.

PREDICTIONS

I am not one to toot my own horn but it’s scary how accurate my official predictions in the Super Bowl preview blog were.  Let’s break them down. The official prediction really consisted of 3 separate predictions so I will evaluate on a scale of 0 to 3:

Official

Pats win 65-0:  Giving myself a +0.5 on this one. Not sure if you guys knew this but the Patriots had a shit load of yards. And, not for nothing, but check out my unofficial prediction:

Unofficial

Nick Foles released at halftime: I am still squatting on Nick getting released at some point in the near future so I’ll take a +0.5 for now on this one.

Philadelphia burns to the ground. Anyone with a brain was hammering this one. Easy +1 money.

PHI

And now that I think of it, I highlighted Duron Harmon (INT), Patriots O-Line (1 sack), Brady (500 yards), Corey Clement (108 yards) and Jake Elliot (3/3 FGs) as players to watch so I am going to give myself a +1 extra credit too.

Official patriotsdynasty.info prediction results:

By my math that is a perfect 3 for 3. They don’t call me Nostradamus Gregorius Maximus for nothing.

 

So now the question is where does this blog go from here? Do we keep up the posts in the offseason? Here is how I feel:

I’m not ready for these type of questions right now. I’m going to sit down, reflect on the season, talk to my teammates. We fought all year long. All the receivers writers, running backs website designers, linemen readers … We’ve been all working together. I’m just going to reflect on the season with all the boys and see what happens.

Who knows, I might even retire and talk to my talents to Hollywood to do movies with the Rock.

 

 

Answer: Laurence Maroney 2007 (478 yards). Bet you didn’t see that one coming. More like Laurence Jabroni amIright??

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